A Guide To Atlanta's Steve Milano

TABLE OF CONTENTS
Main page and Step One: Picking Fights
Step Two: Insulting People
Step Three: Playing the Victim
Step Four: Threatening People
Step Five: Bonus - How To Dodge
BONUS MATERIAL: Fan art, websites, quotes & more!

Bonus Lesson: How to weasel out of being caught saying something retarded.


A hallmark of Steve Milano's tactics is to invent "facts", as we know. But what happens if someone calls your bluff?

As usual, we turn to the one and only Steve Milano to find out!

Remember in Step Two how one of the Four Basic Attacks is to accuse others of being gay? Take a moment to review it if you've forgotten.

But now, Steve Milano demonstrates what to do if someone questions you. Here, one of his opponents wonders out loud why Steve keeps bringing up homosexuals. Watch Steve's response:



REVERSAL!


But there's so much more to learn from Steve Milano.

Here's another example, grabbed from here. As you remember, to be Steve Milano, you must talk about your hatred of "geeks" whenever you can. In this excerpt, Steve mocks his opponent by claiming he used to beat up nerds in high school:


NICE TURNAROUND!


Yet another example of Steve Milano expertly crafting a dodge when someone points out that what he's saying isn't quite kosher. In this mailing list we see Steve accuse someone of being the child of an alcoholic, one of the Four Basic Attacks learned in step two.

Check out what happens!






Steve Milano is quite a guy! The 180-degree turnarounds and backpedals never cease to amaze. With some time, patience, and practice practice practice, you can master this art!

It's easy to do if you follow the right steps as taught to us by Steve Milano.
  • Accuse someone, or insult them, based on a "fact" you made up about them. Alternatively, make an unverifiable claim about yourself.
  • If someone calls you on this, immediately say the exact opposite of what you said before!
It seems so simple, but not until the great Steve Milano came along did we have this wonderful tool at our disposal, a tool with which we can, if mastered, successfully weasel our way out of anything we say.

* * * * * * * * * * *


Well, that about wraps it up for good ol' Steve Milano. Why don't we take a quick moment to review what we've learned, and then you'll be ready to be Steve Milano yourself!

1. Pick fights with people for no reason at all. Ideally they should be total strangers.

2. Once someone disputes something you have said, it's open grounds to slag them on a personal level.

3. Anyone who crosses you is either
  • Gay
  • Had a horrible childhood
  • A nerd
  • Scared of your power over them
  • Some combination of the above

    4. As Steve Milano, you are innocent of everything. Anyone who fights with you, started it. You just mind your own business and everywhere you go, people attack you for no reason. Anyone who claims otherwise is lying.

    5. If all else fails, threaten someone.
    • CONGRATULATIONS!!! You are now a graduate of the Steve Milano Academy, fully qualified to emulate Steve Milano wherever you go. Go get 'em, tiger!