A Guide To Atlanta's Steve Milano

TABLE OF CONTENTS
Main page and Step One: Picking Fights
Step Two: Insulting People
Step Three: Playing the Victim
Step Four: Threatening People
Step Five: Bonus - How To Dodge
BONUS MATERIAL: Fan art, websites, quotes & more!

Step Four: Threaten everyone.

When you start fights for no reason, insult people out of nowhere, and generally behave like a psychopathic lunatic, odds are that the sympathy game you learned in Step Three isn't going to go over very well with the people you've been antagonizing.

But fear not! Steve Milano is here to show you how, with a bit of care, you can switch from "I'm sorry" and "It's not my fault" to "I'm gonna get you!" faster than a speeding bullet!

When backed into a corner, Steve likes to threaten legal action first.



Notice that Steve uses his job title to bully people? He is, in fact, little more than an office flunky for a board that happens to be a lawyer's group, but the title sounds impressive, so he leverages it for intimidation. Do you have an impressive title you can use to intimidate people? If not, don't worry -- you can still act like Steve Milano. Just make one up. No one will do any fact checking.

Found here, we have this:



But legal threats are not Steve Milano's only recourse! No sir.

He's also quite adept at threatening to "visit" you, in person, over an internet fight. Check it out!

  • DID YOU KNOW? A subpeona only occurs when an actual civil lawsuit or criminal prosecution is underway. Steve Milano is threatening to "subpeona" computers without any lawsuit. You, too can make wild, baseless threats if you imitate Steve Milano!


Here's another good example for you to study. In this one, Steve Milano once again threatens to visit someone in person because of an internet fight:



And of course, this one is most excellent. Here, Steve Milano doesn't threaten the guy directly, but threatens to make websites out of the guy's friend, attempting to scare the guy by showing that he knows where the friend works.



The art of threatening people is such a cornerstone of Steve Milano's modus that it deserves at least one more example:


Let's recap what we've learned in Lesson Four. To be Steve Milano, you must, after failing to solicit sympathy from the people you've attacked, threaten them, threaten their family, threaten to sue them, threaten to contact their employers. Pretty much any threat you can come up with, no matter how outlandish, baseless, immature, outright impossible to execute, or just plain silly, is staying true to the pattern of Steve Milano.

Got all that? You're doing fine! Now the problem is that no one really responds to threats either, so once you've issued them, you can't do much else. At this point, you have two options:
  • Cut your losses, stop communicating with the people, and shut up. They'll get bored eventually and stop bothering you.
  • Continue badgering them, issuing threats, calling their homes or the homes of their friends and family, and otherwise provide them with more ammunition by being an asshole and bordering on illegal activity.
You've made it this far, so this is your first test: Which option do you think you should choose, if you are trying to be like Steve Milano?

Hang in there and we'll get to the BONUS PAGE!

CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE BONUS PAGE!